Speaking My Language

In yesterday’s post, I talked about Love Languages and how we communicate and said I would be back to share the results of my assessment with you. It’s no surprise to me that of the five areas that Gary Chapman identifies in his book The 5 Love Languages, the one that ranks highest for me is what he refers to as, ” Acts of Service ” with “Words of Affirmation ” close behind.

I have included a couple of photos of John doing the service part. While we were home in Atlanta for Christmas week, he raked and bagged all of leaves around the house I still own in Atlanta. I did not even have to ask. I had arranged for the man who cuts the grass to do it, but he was waiting until after Christmas and being concerned about how shabby it looked and how it might be affecting the grass, I decided to do it myself. There were some immediate things I needed to attend to inside the house first and by the time I was ready to move outside to the yard work, John picked up a rake and attacked the problem by himself.

I know this front yard looks tiny and you’re thinking, ” How much work can that really be? ”  The back yard is only a little larger, but the leaves seem to multiply or get blown in from my neighbor’s yards so it’s always a huge task every year and one I usually do alone.

John did all the work without a single grumble during or after and when it was all done had 40 bags of leaves lined up against the fence. That’s exactly what I mean by ” Acts of Service. ”  I think the quiz is especially useful when you think you may be saying or doing all the right things to show your love, but your spouse or partner is acting as if they are not feeling it.

For example, giving me an expensive gift is never a good way to show me love especially if money is tight because I will just worry about the cost. Worry = stress which is never a ” gift of love ” for me. Men might be surprised how many women feel this way. I have jokingly said many times that when it comes to seduction, a foot rub can be way more effective than a diamond bracelet for most women.

How about you … did any of you take the assessment?

11 thoughts on “Speaking My Language

  1. Off topic, that’s a heck of a lot of leaves! And I adore your house!

    I got
    10 Words of Affirmation
    10 Quality Time
    1 Receiving Gifts
    3 Acts of Service
    6 Physical Touch

    Gonna get the hubs to do it too.

  2. Wowzers…40 bags! thats a lot of leave-age and a whole lot of love. Kudos to John. I did not take the test (having some problems with things loading on my computer) but I would guess that Acts of Service would be my tops or at least second. And my husband, from the beginning of our relationship, confessed that he is not a “give gifts” guy. Instead he is the man that on cold mornings braves the early chill and starts our wood stove so that I wake up to a warm home and often, coffee made. Now that gesture of love I will take over a diamond bracelet any day.

  3. Anne ~ I won’t say I don’t like and appreciate a gift from John now and then ( New Zealand was the best!) but he does so much for me ( building an addition so I could have my own studio space and bathroom) that I can’t imagine what’s left. I do have to agree with you on the massage though. It’s always nice to get a pampering type of gift especially if it’s something you might not normally do for yourself.

    Hay ~ Thanks Hay! It is a great house … John walked around it while we were there that day and said to me how much he recognized and appreciated what I had given up in my life to join him in his. Words like that go straight to my ‘Words of Affirmation’ needs which I can see are high on your list too.

    Suzanne ~ Frankly, I am surprised everyday how lucky I was to find such a dear (and handsome) man especially so far from home, but I have a feeling that this year or next you may meet your own Mr. Wonderful.

    Jenny N ~ 40 bags really is a lot! I have had as many as 50 in the past when I waited until January to rake and bag them. I think John just packed them more than I did as his were even heavier than I remember from last year. As for gifts, there is nothing better than a warm house and a hot cup of coffee in the morning and the person sweet enough to brave the cold certainly should be recognized.

    Jayne ~ He is a great guy! The bags go off to a compost site and the bags are biodegradable. John did tell me I could put them in a big compost pile in the backyard which I would consider if I was not planning to try to sell the house soon.

  4. I got 87078. I guess I just want it ALL, and don’t waste your money on gifts!

    You lived in an arts and crafts house. Or one after the style of. I am in awe. I love’s ’em.

  5. Well, I finally caught back up with you. Finn Wisdom is the newest incarnation of FindingHeart. I’m getting back in the blog game and hope to visit more often. Glad your blog is still running.

    I felt silly taking the Singles assessment, but coming up with 6, 10, 4, 4, 6 seems to give me something else to think about now. 😉

  6. I did and mine is acts of service, too. I don’t think it was when I was younger but after a very bad first marriage to a man who did NOTHING, it has become acts of service. That makes perfect sense to me–that my meaning of “love” would shift because of a very bad experience. This man took advantage of me and I let him–because I was young, because I didn’t know how to escape the marriage, because I was scared, because I didn’t have any family support. Years of no one helping me or doing anything for me left me starved for this kind of support.

    I need to have my current husband take this quiz because I already know his love language is different. He just doesn’t “get” what I need and while I understand this intellectually, I still “need” more acts of service from him. He is better at it than the first husband but my need is great! Disproportionately so, I expect, but that’s the way of abuse. It leaves us empty and reaching and in need of that space filled.

  7. The whole concept of coincidence (or maybe synchronicity) has always amazed and enthralled me. I had never heard of Gary Chapman before this post, that I read about an hour or so ago. I thought I will make a note of the website and go back and take the assessments when I have a little more time. THEN, a short while ago, while eating my breakfast I turned on the local news, and who were they doing a story on?…why Gary Chapman, of course. I will definitely take the assessments later today (after I do a few dreaded chores…I’d much rather be reading!).

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