I hate deception.
Some might say it’s just marketing … expect it.
I broke a blusher recently, a small bit of enhancement in a compact container I’d purchased to put a little color in my cheeks so my intentional lack of sun wouldn’t make me look unhealthy. I tend not to wear it everyday, but as needed and never overdone. Given how little I use, it can take me a while to discover that I’ve been misled into believing there’s more in the container than it appears.
I hate being misled.
Recently I’ve discovered someone I was “friendly with” has acted in a decidedly unfriendly way towards me. What makes it interesting is how this person has remained virtually the same in their behavior to my face but behind my back, oh my!
The worst part is not how blind I was to it, but how much of my energy over the last few days has been focused internally as I’ve wondered why I suddenly became the subject of gossipy untruths and what to do with my disappointment.
Gossip is currency to some people, I get that and I really don’t mind if people talk about me if what they’re saying is the truth and they have my permission to share it.
Making it up as you go is never a good option because it just takes one slip up for the depth of deception to be revealed. Discovering how little there really was to my pot of blush after it broke when I dropped it was disappointing, but not unexpected. The lack of substance in someone I thought might become a friend caught me completely by surprise given some of our conversations.
I tend to be a bit of a “Pollyanna” with my optimistic enthusiasm and I may add a little blush when my cheeks need a bit of color, but I don’t make stuff up unless I’m writing fiction and I know when to let go.
I used to subscribe to the “three strikes and you’re out” way of thinking that began with American baseball and is now part of the U.S. legal system, but as I’ve gotten older I have less time for games and Maya Angelou’s method makes more sense.
When someone shows you who they are … believe them the first time.
For lack of a more eloquent way of saying it, Gossipy “friends” suck! You are better off without them and look at it as good fortune that they showed you who they really are now, instead of further down the road when you had invested more in the friendship. I love the quote by Maya Angelou.
You are so right, Wendy. I got my feelings hurt as it was and it would have been far worse later. Thanks for your support, I really appreciate it.
So sorry you had a bad experience with a ‘friend’, but as Wendy said better to find out now than later. I went to watch a tv chat show many years ago and Maya Angelou was one of the guests. What a wonderful and genuine woman. See you and John soon x x x
great post . maya angelou’s quote is so true.
Maya is right. And your ex friend is probably so jealous of your life that she was trying to make it not so good in her own head. Shame on her.
I don’t know about jealousy Lindie, but I am definitely listening to Maya Angelou on this one.
I can’t comment on your (ex)friend’s actions but perhaps there is another way to look at the blush that would leave you feeling less disappointed. As one who has dropped make up occasionally, I know its annoying. However, you mentioned that you used your blusher sparingly, as do many others…perhaps this would have lasted you a long time..and had you not dropped it, you would be happy with what you had and the amount of it for the time it lasted. Make-up is supposed to have a shelf life, and I think like the wall paint with which you will be currently *very* familiar (!), a decent pigment goes a long way towards good, deep colour coverage and longevity whereas a lesser quality, even if you use a lot more of it, simply does not do the trick. I painted a living room wall a few years ago and 3 coats later you can see see the pink plaster underneath – maddening. And disappointing. Won’t be buying that brand again…
In my youth I recognised that people I took an instant dislike to sometimes turned out to be OK, reliable people that I liked very much. I felt pretty silly when I saw this, and so try and give others a second / third chance because of my own failings, not theirs. Not the same as naive lack of insight or misplaced trust, but it creates a better balance for me. I find more to like in people generally as a result. Sometimes it’s worth it and sometimes, it isn’t.
Mariellen – As always, I appreciate your perspective and comment. I’ve long been aware of the “mirror effect” and how if someone gets on my nerves or I don’t care for some aspect of their behavior it may be because it’s too close to home and like looking in a mirror.
That said, I have to say this was something totally different. In this situation, someone lied about me in attempt to belittle me to others or elevate their own status. I don’t really understand their motivation, but I’m past the point of feeling a need to give people who do that to me a second chance. I think forgiveness is meant for people who make mistakes, feel remorse, and do better the next time … ugly behavior by design is just mean and spiteful.
I think the Maya Angelou quote is deeply applicable in your situation. I agree with Mariellen in terms of first impressions, sometimes they are just wrong. Yet when you’ve known someone and they violate your boundaries in a way that seems more about character than an accidental blunder (and Lord knows I’m guilty of those!), then it’s wise to choose to be guarded until proven otherwise.
Gossip is so ‘juicy’ and yet so ugly.
I’ve been the fortunate recipient of a friend’s forgiveness more than a time or two after a thoughtless mistake on my part and I’ve been grateful for a chance to make amends and have offered the same to others, but this feels like a premeditated event aimed at character assignation making me completely disinterested in second chances. I don’t wish them ill in any way, but I will be politely distant with them from this point on.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Yup, go with the gut, and toxic friends? who needs ’em? Still hurts though, I know. Take care of yourself, and hold your head high. xx Anne
Thanks, Anne … you’re right about toxic friends especially when there are good folks out there. x
This one really touches me. First of all, it’s beautifully written with your juxtapositioning of the blush with the broken friendship. Very nice. I can completely relate to your sentiments here, and certainly your disappointment. Like you, I prefer to believe in the sincerity of people and will continue to do so even if it comes back to bite me in the butt from time to time.