Category Archives: Love

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Silent Unspoken Memories

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John and Elizabeth - February 2, 2009

It’s been two years since we made our promises in front of family and friends and it feels like both yesterday and forever. I knew eight weeks after our first email that I wanted to have forever with this man and I knew without speaking that he wanted it too. Some things are so right you don’t even hesitate, no looking back, so second guesses, you just know that you are where you are meant to be.


To Be One With Each Other

What greater thing is there for two human souls

than to feel that they are joined together to strengthen

each other in all labor, to minister to each other in all sorrow,

to share with each other in all gladness,

to be one with each other in the

silent unspoken memories.

~ George Eliot

 

John and Elizabeth - Coromandel Town, NZ - 11/11/2010

If you are new to Gifts Of The Journey you might enjoy reading and seeing some of our early moments together. Click on the colored links above and it will be like you were there with us.

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In Memory And Hope

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Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

~ Martin Luther King Jr.

I know it’s difficult sometimes to continue to believe that good can win over evil and that by working together like-minded people can create a positive change, but if we allow cynicism and hopelessness free rein in our hearts and minds then the efforts of many are wasted.

There are times when it’s a struggle for me to walk in the light. On those days I try to remember what my friend Carla said to me back in 2008. I wrote about it on my first blog and you can read about it here.

Update: I had to come back and add a link to my friend Benjamin Wagner’s blog. He’s written a powerful post titled, ” Sing With New Meaning “ that I promise you will not regret taking a moment to read.

 

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Speaking My Language

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In yesterday’s post, I talked about Love Languages and how we communicate and said I would be back to share the results of my assessment with you. It’s no surprise to me that of the five areas that Gary Chapman identifies in his book The 5 Love Languages, the one that ranks highest for me is what he refers to as, ” Acts of Service ” with “Words of Affirmation ” close behind.

I have included a couple of photos of John doing the service part. While we were home in Atlanta for Christmas week, he raked and bagged all of leaves around the house I still own in Atlanta. I did not even have to ask. I had arranged for the man who cuts the grass to do it, but he was waiting until after Christmas and being concerned about how shabby it looked and how it might be affecting the grass, I decided to do it myself. There were some immediate things I needed to attend to inside the house first and by the time I was ready to move outside to the yard work, John picked up a rake and attacked the problem by himself.

I know this front yard looks tiny and you’re thinking, ” How much work can that really be? ”  The back yard is only a little larger, but the leaves seem to multiply or get blown in from my neighbor’s yards so it’s always a huge task every year and one I usually do alone.

John did all the work without a single grumble during or after and when it was all done had 40 bags of leaves lined up against the fence. That’s exactly what I mean by ” Acts of Service. ”  I think the quiz is especially useful when you think you may be saying or doing all the right things to show your love, but your spouse or partner is acting as if they are not feeling it.

For example, giving me an expensive gift is never a good way to show me love especially if money is tight because I will just worry about the cost. Worry = stress which is never a ” gift of love ” for me. Men might be surprised how many women feel this way. I have jokingly said many times that when it comes to seduction, a foot rub can be way more effective than a diamond bracelet for most women.

How about you … did any of you take the assessment?


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Love Languages And Connection

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We were leaving Auckland last November to begin our tour of North Island when I noticed the man on the motorcycle in front of us. I could see the city reflected in his helmet, but what made me lift my camera was the love message written on the round rearview mirror on the right side of his bike. Do you see it … the heart with two small xx’s underneath?

I have been thinking a great deal lately about the ways in which we communicate and particularly with the people we love. It is a huge topic with endless amounts of information available in bookstores or a quick click or two on our computers. It’s a great source of frustration for many and one most of us will spend hours of our lives discussing at some point.

One of my favorite books on this topic has been around for some time and when I went to the website of Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, I found the short assessment that I took a few years ago. Back then it reaffirmed what I already knew about myself but more importantly, it gave me an easy and concise way to share how I interpret love when trying to explain it to others.

There are some additional assessments added that deal with children and a few other topics that you might find a worthwhile use of your time especially if you’ve been feeling disconnected lately from the important people in your life.

Have a look and let me know what you think and I will be back tomorrow to share my assessment and tell you which love language I speak.

 

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Counting Sheep On Christmas Eve

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It is late here and everyone but me is tucked in bed resting up for tomorrow and all the excitement and activity that comes when family and friends gather to celebrate Christmas. It’s no surprise to me that I am still awake. I usually am on nights like this.

This week has been a whirl of going and doing right from the time we arrived late last Sunday and sleep has been even more scarce for me than normal. I think I will rest when we are finally home again in Cornwall next week.

For now spending time with the people I love is well worth missing a bit of sleep and with a little South Island sheep like the one on the Christmas tree above, I can imagine I am counting them in the field of New Zealand buttercups below.

For all who celebrate during this Christmas season, I hope you have the company of those you love around you now. Have a safe and Happy Christmas and I will be back in a few days.

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Never Alone – Birthday Wishes For Margaret

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It is a struggle to find childhood photographs of my sister Margaret taken alone as most of our childish history documents us together, sitting or standing side by side. On Margaret’s birthday today, I searched my files to come up with the perfect image of her by herself but with little success. I would suggest that the universe is sending us a message that Peanut Butter and Jelly are meant to be together while John might say it was the cost of developing film in those days that would have children always paired up in photographs.

This image of Margaret fishing at five is one I remember well. She caught her first fish and dropped the pole with the fish still on the line in her excitement. She did a little happy dance that day that still makes me smile.

She is still five in this photo taken with our first pet, a cat the adults named Useless.

This one is one of my favorites with Margaret looking straight into the camera.

Dressed as a Brownie … I don’t remember this period, but she looks pretty cute.

Here she is only nine, but she’s giving a look to the camera that I recognize still 39 years later.

I discovered this first birthday picture of Margaret blowing out a candle about an hour ago and John graciously rescanned the others so you can see them better.

I have enjoyed having this time with Margaret over the last month. It is rare that as adults we are able to take time away from our daily lives and responsibilities to spend time with a sibling and I certainly appreciate Margaret coming all the way from Alaska to experience a bit of my life here with me.

It is her last day in Cornwall as she begins her long trip back to Alaska tomorrow and I have no idea what we will do today, but I will be in the kitchen in a few minutes making a specially requested chocolate cake for her. It gives me great pleasure to be able to sing a happy birthday chorus in person to Margaret today and I hope this new birthday year brings her sweetness and joy.

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A Seaside Visit Today For This Birthday Boy

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Today is John’s birthday and while he would rather not have too much notice made, I have a sweet pile of presents or “pressies” as some might say here and his requested blackberry crumble with candles and ice cream for later. (Okay, he didn’t ask for candles, but he needs them to make a wish … right?)

As soon we pull ourselves together this morning, we will head south to explore several places where we can walk on the beach and touch the sea. We won’t be taking any little pails and shovels like John had in the photo above, but I expect we will have plenty of fun just the same. I was thrilled when he mentioned going to one place in particular when I asked how he wished to spend his birthday.

Cadgwith is a sweet little seaside village which looks much the same as it did in 1930 when his dad at sixteen took this photograph while the family was in the area on holiday. I plan to take John’s picture as close to the thatched cottage on the right as I can get and will edit this post to include it when we return. (If you click to enlarge this, you can see John’s grandmother on the left.)

Photo by Victor Winchurch, Age 16 - Cadgwith, Cornwall 1930

I am so pleased to be able to share a third birthday celebration with this lovely man who changed my life so dramatically only a few years ago. Happy Birthday John!

* If you are reading this through email or other subscription, please refresh to get the edited version. I had an old family photo from the wrong village and had to correct it.

Updates & Additions … I am back as I promised with some pictures from our day. These were taken 80 years after the one above and another one taken the same day 80 years ago.

Cadgwith 2010

Color Cadgwith 2010

( I added the color version of Cadgwith by special request for Dorothy I mean, Kim who wanted to see OZ * see her comment below)

I took this photograph this afternoon of John standing where his grandmother stood 80 years ago when she was two years younger than I am now. I was a little closer to my subject than John’s dad was in 1930. I also thought you might enjoy a few more from today that go with the original taken 1930.

Photo By Victor Winchurch – Cadgwith, Cornwall 1930

My image from today is below.

Cadgwith, Cornwall 2010

Here is a last image before I say goodnight, It is one I took of John while he was photographing from what is likely the same spot his father did when he was still only a sixteen year old boy. I bet his dad would have loved digital photography. Remember you can click any image to enlarge. Click twice to make it ginormous.

John Winchurch – September 27, 2010

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Twenty-Three Without Me

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Recently, while walking alone through the village churchyard, I came across a scattering of hearts left on the ground after a wedding. I snapped a photograph deciding that these hearts must have been tossed at the bride and groom as they made their way up the path past friends and family who had gathered to witness and celebrate their commitment.

While searching through photographs of my daughter Miranda to find just the right one for today, I saw this tiny heart and thought how perfectly it illustrated what I want say. Today Miranda turns twenty-three and like the last two birthdays, she is doing it without me. She’ll have other people sharing her day who love and care for her, but I will miss seeing her make a wish as she blows out her candles and digs into her cake.

I left a gift bag with presents and a card when I was in Atlanta last month and will hopefully have a moment to see her on iChat today, but I wish I could be there to give her a big squeeze and tell her I love her in person. Children grab onto your heart as soon as they make their way into the world and no one tells you how difficult it will be to let go after all the years of hanging on so tightly.

I’m still learning how to negotiate this shift in our relationship and sometimes I stumble. Well able to navigate her own way through life now she doesn’t need much from me most days except perhaps the sense that I am here along the edges of her life like the well wishers at a wedding who while standing close enough to offer loving support are not the main focus.

Last year and the one before I left a small scattering of heart stories about Miranda along with some early photographs that can be found here if you missed them. In rereading those birthday posts I see that my message hasn’t changed … it is still mostly about loving and learning to let go.

Born four days after my own birthday, my birthday wishes while blowing out my candles have included thoughts of her health and happiness for the last twenty-three years. This year was no different. I sure hope all of my birthday wishes come true.

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Like It Was Yesterday – Sweet Contentment

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I scanned this photograph along with some others during my visit home. It was taken almost twenty years ago on a day I remember so well that my heart still aches a bit with the memory of it. It was a peaceful moment where no one said, ‘Smile or Say Cheese,’ but instead allowed the easy comfort of our mother-daughter connection to share itself naturally despite the busyness of a children’s birthday party at McDonald’s.

Miranda looks into the camera with what I remember as an amazing sense of confidence at an age when the biggest challenges to her changing heart’s desire were the parental insecurities of a mom and dad who were frequently conflicted on how to do everything just right.

As for me, I remember the delight and contentment I felt sitting there feeling her little arm against the back of my neck with her hand resting on my shoulder. Most days I can’t remember what I did the day before, but moments like these are so vivid that I feel sure this will be what I’ll remember in the last minutes of my life. Twenty years or yesterday … it is still a sweet memory of contentment.

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Power Shots & Love Lines

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Earlier this year while John was driving us to Tenby Wales, I spotted this sight and I shouted something like, ” Stop, please … I want to take a picture! ” Being the patient and accommodating man that he is, John pulled the car over so I could take a couple of shots that would probably not appeal to many.

I pulled these two photographs today because they reminded me of how often John puts my needs first even when he’d rather be doing something else. He’s been busy lately helping me get ready for my upcoming trip to my home in Atlanta, Georgia where I’ll soon be for the next few weeks.

He’s been patient and calming even when travel worries have left me a bit stroppy. I love some of the new words I discovered after moving here. Stroppy is a perfect description for my mood lately and I think it’s because I’m really going to miss him. As an independent, space loving woman, this represents a big shift for me.

Even though we’ve only been together for about two and half years I’ve come to love sharing my time with him. I still need of lot of time to myself, but there’s something really easy about the way we move in each other’s lives and space and if we were dancing, I’d say we had definitely mastered the steps.

Of course I’ll have fun on my trip home to the US and it’s going to be good to spend time with Miranda and Cullene and the rest of my family and friends, but now while any family gathering is still sweet, not having him there to share it makes it feel a bit incomplete.

I’m not gone yet, but soon I’ll be writing from the other side of the Atlantic where the high temperatures and humidity may be just enough to distract me from missing him too much.

I’ve already scheduled a run/walk/hike with a blogger friend, Jules who John and I met on the TMB a couple of years ago along with her husband. If you’re reading me from Georgia and want to meet up to say hello, you can leave me a message here and I’ll get in touch with you. We don’t have to brave the heat like Jules and I will be doing … I am content to sit in a cool air-conditioned space and drink iced coffee with you instead.